It doesn't hurt to take a hard look at yourself from time to time, and this should help get you started:
During a visit to the mental asylum, a visitor asked the Director what the criterion was which defined whether or not a patient should be institutionalized.
"Well," said the Director, "we fill up a bathtub, then we offer a teaspoon,a teacup and a bucket to the patient and ask him or her to empty the bathtub."
"Oh, I understand," said the visitor. "A normal person would use the bucket because it's bigger than the spoon or the teacup."
"No." said the Director, "A normal person would pull the plug. Do you want a bed near the window?"
Oooh Cheryl, I love that one. Shall I tell you my absolute favourite funny story...or the other favourite..hmmm. Right, you might like this one.
A Japanese man went into a bank in London to change some of his Yen into GB pounds. The bank clerk did his calculations and came up with a figure that disappointed the Japanese man. He;d got much more for his Yen the last time he was here, he told the bank clerk. "Well," said the clerk, shrugging his shoulders "Can't be helped. Fluctuations, you know" The little Japanese pulled himself up straight and spluttered indignantly"Well fluck you Europeans too!"
LOL Cheryl Ann! I chose the window bed... LOL Val! Fluctuations! I'll have to remember that word.
I have 2.
A husband and wife were waiting in the airport when they spied a man dressed entirely in green. Curiosity got the better of the wife but, too shy to approach the green-outfitted person, she asked her husband to go ask the man where he was from. Whereupon the husband walked over and questioned the man. "Saskatoon, Saskatchewan" Mr Dressed-in-Green replied. Shaking his head, the husband returned to his wife and, when she asked him if he discovered the green man's home, the husband stated "Haven't a clue. He doesn't speak English"... (Green is the colour of that province's football team)
This next one is home-grown. My kids were having a conversation in the car on the way to daycare - Bob was 5 and Jenny was 4.
After looking around at the scenery on the drive to town, Jenny asked "Why are there mountains?" I explained, in as simple a manner as possible, about the colossal movement of the tectonic plates, etc. "But why?" asked Jenny once more. As I was pondering whether to tell Jenny that maybe God helped put them there, too, when Bobby piped up, "Oh, I know why!" "Well, why?" I prompted. Without a moment's hesitation, Bob answered, "So people can ski!"
Today is May 6th 2008 and i awoke this morning a year older. yipee. I am really sorry for my absence lately. I promised myself i wasn't going to write about sad, depressing, boring things on my blog anymore. I want to concentrate on the positive and pleasing things of life. I guess it's not a good sign that i haven't written much! more thoughts will follow.......
Cheryl, I didn't realise it was your birthday yesterday. I do hope it was a good one, dear one!! I am also a Taurean by the way, and have found that fellow bulls nearly always get on well, so I'm sure if we ever met, we'd get on a storm.
Keep that smile going and the positive thoughts. Life will reward you, I'm so sure! big hugs and lots of love. VallyP
PS I'm going to write my penguin story later...promise!
VallyP, what day is your b-day on? I have to tell you that i was sent off to daydream land with your comment of "if we ever meet". Just the thought of that possibility is bewildering. It would be a dream come true for me. Well like they say "Dream big because dreams do come true".
Gary, I haven't been able to get your 'believe' off my mind. I had a great teacher back in Jr. High School who wrote me a letter when i graduated that said very simular things. (well except for the love part!) I always wished i could see myself as others could - i don't think i'd be so sad all the time if i did.
Dale, sometimes the bestest funnies are the ones you can pick out of everyday life. I hope things are finally turning spring-like for you with sunshine and smiles!
Stevie, Your dog sitting episodes left my sides hurting. The very same thing happened to me not to long ago with the key and locking myself out but needing to get back in - thats probably why i was laughing so hard now, but not at that moment! At least i don't have to worry about where Amy learned all those bad words from - she got 'em all from me!!!
my wee amy has been terribly sick since last friday. We can't seem to find an antibiotic that will work. I've never seen strep throat last so long or make her so miserable. I feel so helpless, it's tearing my heart out. between the high fevers, vomiting, delerium, no food, no drink, labored breathing.... so, if you would, say a lil prayer for her please. her eyes have been so sad and the lack of smiles and laughter is unbearable.
Awww, Cheryl! I hope Amy is feeling better now...tell her some of the funnies you've had! That will make her smile for sure...by the way, my birthday is the 19th ;-) Same day as Pete's!
13 comments:
You're Back!!
Now I'm off to fetch something funny.
Hope all is well.
xx
It doesn't hurt to take a hard look at yourself from time to time, and this should help get you started:
During a visit to the mental asylum, a visitor asked the Director what the criterion was which defined whether or not a patient should be institutionalized.
"Well," said the Director, "we fill up a bathtub, then we offer a teaspoon,a teacup and a bucket to the patient and ask him or her to empty the bathtub."
"Oh, I understand," said the visitor. "A normal person would use the bucket because it's bigger than the spoon or the teacup."
"No." said the Director, "A normal person would pull the plug. Do you want a bed near the window?"
tee hee!!!
luvs & hugs
Cher
Oooh Cheryl, I love that one. Shall I tell you my absolute favourite funny story...or the other favourite..hmmm. Right, you might like this one.
A Japanese man went into a bank in London to change some of his Yen into GB pounds. The bank clerk did his calculations and came up with a figure that disappointed the Japanese man. He;d got much more for his Yen the last time he was here, he told the bank clerk.
"Well," said the clerk, shrugging his shoulders "Can't be helped. Fluctuations, you know"
The little Japanese pulled himself up straight and spluttered indignantly"Well fluck you Europeans too!"
LOL Cheryl Ann! I chose the window bed...
LOL Val! Fluctuations! I'll have to remember that word.
I have 2.
A husband and wife were waiting in the airport when they spied a man dressed entirely in green.
Curiosity got the better of the wife but, too shy to approach the green-outfitted person, she asked her husband to go ask the man where he was from.
Whereupon the husband walked over and questioned the man.
"Saskatoon, Saskatchewan" Mr Dressed-in-Green replied.
Shaking his head, the husband returned to his wife and, when she asked him if he discovered the green man's home, the husband stated "Haven't a clue. He doesn't speak English"...
(Green is the colour of that province's football team)
This next one is home-grown. My kids were having a conversation in the car on the way to daycare - Bob was 5 and Jenny was 4.
After looking around at the scenery on the drive to town, Jenny asked "Why are there mountains?"
I explained, in as simple a manner as possible, about the colossal movement of the tectonic plates, etc.
"But why?" asked Jenny once more. As I was pondering whether to tell Jenny that maybe God helped put them there, too, when Bobby piped up, "Oh, I know why!"
"Well, why?" I prompted.
Without a moment's hesitation, Bob answered, "So people can ski!"
Ultra LOL Dale! I love Bobby's logic...I wonder where he got that idea ;-)
I'll tell you the one about the Penguin next time I'm on....
Thanks for the great laughs, friends!
Today is May 6th 2008 and i awoke this morning a year older. yipee.
I am really sorry for my absence lately. I promised myself i wasn't going to write about sad, depressing, boring things on my blog anymore. I want to concentrate on the positive and pleasing things of life. I guess it's not a good sign that i haven't written much!
more thoughts will follow.......
That's the spirit Cheryl Ann. And happy Birthday to you my dear. Thank you for liking the little poem I posted recently.
hmmm....I will think on this... I am sure I can think of one for you!
good to see you back sweetheart!
xo
Stevie
Cheryl, I didn't realise it was your birthday yesterday. I do hope it was a good one, dear one!! I am also a Taurean by the way, and have found that fellow bulls nearly always get on well, so I'm sure if we ever met, we'd get on a storm.
Keep that smile going and the positive thoughts. Life will reward you, I'm so sure! big hugs and lots of love. VallyP
PS I'm going to write my penguin story later...promise!
VallyP, what day is your b-day on?
I have to tell you that i was sent off to daydream land with your comment of "if we ever meet". Just the thought of that possibility is bewildering. It would be a dream come true for me. Well like they say "Dream big because dreams do come true".
Gary,
I haven't been able to get your 'believe' off my mind. I had a great teacher back in Jr. High School who wrote me a letter when i graduated that said very simular things. (well except for the love part!) I always wished i could see myself as others could - i don't think i'd be so sad all the time if i did.
Dale,
sometimes the bestest funnies are the ones you can pick out of everyday life. I hope things are finally turning spring-like for you with sunshine and smiles!
Stevie,
Your dog sitting episodes left my sides hurting. The very same thing happened to me not to long ago with the key and locking myself out but needing to get back in - thats probably why i was laughing so hard now, but not at that moment! At least i don't have to worry about where Amy learned all those bad words from - she got 'em all from me!!!
my wee amy has been terribly sick since last friday. We can't seem to find an antibiotic that will work. I've never seen strep throat last so long or make her so miserable. I feel so helpless, it's tearing my heart out. between the high fevers, vomiting, delerium, no food, no drink, labored breathing....
so, if you would, say a lil prayer for her please. her eyes have been so sad and the lack of smiles and laughter is unbearable.
Awww, Cheryl! I hope Amy is feeling better now...tell her some of the funnies you've had! That will make her smile for sure...by the way, my birthday is the 19th ;-) Same day as Pete's!
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