Just took a really long, hot shower. Hair is up in a towel and a chilled glass of wine sitting right close. Boy, it tastes really good! When i think of the last post and your comments i just shake my head in disbelief. You are all incredible and inspiring. I'm not going to get into last weeks past crap. It's all just too bizzare and unbelievable and sad and so-last-week(?). I would like to tell you that Dad is now in a convelescence home on intervenus antibiotics to treat spinal infection. They say treatment will continue through Dec. 23rd. He is working with a physical therapist to get him stronger. My brother Michael and I are working to keep his hope alive. That is a very tough thing to do when you yourself lose hope. I should have a couple good weeks till my mental capacity goes haywire again. So, thats my bit of "bright" news.
I started writing this Saturday night and i'll finish up this morning (Monday). I am going to put in some of the "crap" of last week just because maybe putting it here i can get it out of my head and move along.
I was told we are going to lose our house because of my spending! (Oh yea, i have drawers full of diamonds and designer clothes in my closet - NOT!) I am not allowed to go grocery shopping without hubby or any other kind of spending without him. Any money used needs to be ok'd by him in advance. I am a bit disturbed (understatement) by all this but after a while i'm hoping he'll see that i am not doing anything wrong. He has made up a daily time schedule for me to follow. I guess i asked for all of this because of my lack of organization and laziness.
Lots of crap going on with my mother and other brother (David) concerning my Dad as well. There is just nothing there anymore but hate and disrespect. It's sad, it hurts, and very draining to deal with delicately. And i'm exhausted just thinking about it to put it here, so i'm gonna stop with this part and move on.
And the normal crap.....Amy was sick and out of school 2 days. BFF issues with her. Didn't have a working vehicle. excetera, excetera and so on and so on.
I do think of you all everyday and wish good things for you.
feeling wayyyyyy toooooo self absorbed - SORRY :(
4 comments:
Dear Cherylann, the words of the song are so wise..
In this life we cannot change the way people/family treat us, BUT we can change the way we react..
You have all the power within you to deal with every situation life throws at you..YOU just have to know that deep down in your conscience..it's there for the taking, your just too put upon by others to see it..shake them off TODAY!
Your brother and mother can wallow in their bitterness but the key is to not let it effect you, or change the way you are ..
Not for a day
Not for a hour
Not for a minute..
As for your controlling Bastard of a husband...(sorry this sounds harsh but it's true) my advise to you is get rid!..he is feeding off your insecurities like a leech, but only because you let him...time to take control girl..this is YOUR life...empower yourself, you have so much strength in you, YOU can do anything you want..you will feel enriched and your little girl will see the strong beautiful Mother you are and always have been..
I'm only saying exactly what i'd say to your face if I were sitting there having a cup of tea with you...sometimes we have to be out-spoken and harsh because we care..
P.S-I was married to a controlling Bastard of a husband many moons ago, he was physically and mentally abusive, I was trod in to the ground like dirt...I was just under 5ft, he was 6ft4, nothing more than a 6ft odd bully. But then after years of suffering at his will, I somehow found the strength to go..and boy did I go..bruised and battered but it's easier to heal when you shake off the dark force that drags you down..I have inner happiness..He has torment-guilt-regret and shame..
You don't need to be dragged down anymore..you have it in you to take control of YOU!..X..
Cheryl, listen to Gypsy and know she is right. I too had a controlling B of a husband who terrorised me and my children for the entire 20 years that I allowed him to do so. I cannot think why it took me so long to see the light, but as the saying goes, the 'worm finally turned' and I woke up to myself and a great new life. I realise now, I was just afraid to let go as I was afraid of being alone. You can become addicted to abuse, and I really I was, even though I am deeply ashamed to admit it. I am especially sorry I let my daughters suffer him for so long. The girls and I are still affected by what he did to us, but we are growing stronger every day...and I have grown to be very happy with my own company too....at least I always agree with myself ;-)
Don't leave it as long as I did, Cheryl Ann, and as for your family, well, they may be that but you don't have to treat them as friends, so try and distance yourself from them. Your father and your brother seem to be the ones worth holding on to.
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