OK, once again I'm sad and depressed. I'm starting to see a pattern here. I hope to get to the docs and see if there is a cure. I really shouldn't complain at all!
There are loads of people out there with way worse problems than mine. I need to make a bunch of changes in my life or i fear there will never be any happy. Now I'm not looking for anything here - i just need to air my laundry list of unacceptables and plaster it on every surface in my house to constantly remind myself of how bad i really am.

husband is not happy -
I spend too much money, i don't have a job to replace any of the money i'm spending, i don't keep a clean enough house (seeing as i am home all the time, the place should be perfectly clean at any given moment), i don't have dinner on the table whenever he decides to come home from work, we don't have sex anymore, ever (he is a very attractive man, i don't know why i don't want to), I smoke, i don't smile anymore, I'm overweight and lack any kind of "style" to my hair, and "it doesn't look good the way I've been wearing it for the past 6 months".

OK lets look at the cures for these first few problems i have:
I spend too much money - no brain er, right, GET A JOB! OK, i can only work the hours of 9 to 3 so i am here to get Amy ready for school and see her off the bus after school. No nights, no weekends - no problem, right?
I don't keep a clean enough house - hum, let's see, get off my lazy ass and get the job done. Don't waste hours on the computer.
Dinner - plan ahead, have the ingredients and cook!
SEX, and all that follows goes together! If, no when, I quit smoking, lose weight, wear make-up again, get contacts, and restyle my hair - I will be an attractive partner and the fires may be lit again. and to mention, not wasting his money, keeping his belly full, and the house clean.

I stink, i feel like i am a waste of human flesh. I have no positive contributions to anyone or anything or even myself. oh yea, i am also not organized. and in not being organized i am lost as to how to even get started to correct my miserable existence.
I'm gonna go upstairs and put on some nice clothes, try and fix up my hair, go to Kohl's department store, Michael's craft store, and Aurora Farms Outlet center and fill out some applications and get a job. Then i have to get some postage stamps to put on the bills my husband got up extra early to pay because i didn't "get to it" yesterday.

ya know, i get it. None of this is his fault. The blame all lies with me. It is all my problem and i have to fix it or...or.....or else! I am a lazy, no good, unorganized schlep that has to stop sucking the life OUT of my husband. Although i guess if i did that in the bedroom that might solve something!