I just wish i could be a good parent. My daughter is the most important thing to me and i just keep screwing things up. We got in a fight this morning and i dropped her off at school still angry. She looked as thou she was going to cry and i just drove away. GOD I SUCK.
I've tried the pills, the therapy, the pretending, being nice, being mean - i just suck! I have got to change and i don't know how.
I've been sitting in the office crying and getting sick thinking of how terrible i am and how i am screwing up this poor little innocent child. She's going to grow up and be just like me - SCREWED UP!! She didn't ask for this - she doesn't deserve this! God i wish i had the answers, i wish i would be different. WHY CAN'T I CHANGE?
I'm gonna go have a big cry.....................
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6 comments:
I commented on Pete's bio today, so I actually looked at my blog today for the first time in months because I had to move it to the Google account. I only started it so I could comment on Rachel's blog. Anyway, I saw that you sent me a greeting and I felt bad that I never responded.
Your problem with your daughter seems like a pretty typical one. My 13 year-old has some of the same problems in school (except for the decapitation stories), and she is always arguing with my wife. When I feel like I'm having trouble dealing with her, I sometimes enlist my mom for help. Grandmothers are great because they can be sympathetic and give the child a way to vent. Kids are all different and you can't always blame yourself. My older daughter was raised the same, but has a completely different approach to things in life and in school.
By the way, I ended up seeing The Who twice this time around, once in Chicago with my daughter who goes to college out there. That's when Roger had his allergic reaction to marijuana. I drove out to Indy all by myself and back on Tuesday to see that show too. Pete and Roger were terrific, but I thought Zak was a little off and Pino's (lack of) playing on Emminence Front really bugs me. I never enjoy a show like I should because I'm too critical. My wife thinks concerts are a waste of money so I ended up having to lie to her, leading her to believe I was going on a business trip. There actually was a business trip at one time, but it got cancelled and I just never told her. I felt really bad (still do), but I felt I had to do it to keep the peace.
Good luck with everything.
-Chris F
thankyou for all your kind comments cheryl ann, i missed you too....xx...
right can i just say that arguing with your daughter WILL NOT SCREW HER UP!!...it's all part of who we are, to create and deal with conflict to those close to us..BECAUSE WE CARE!..my daughter chantal and i have had battle lines drawn since she was able to talk..she is 24 now married and expecting her first child...we argue and get heated about things..(of course i'm always right)..but then its forgotten and we are the best of friends BECAUSE we can be honest with each other ..this does NOT! make you a bad parent ..trust me i've been there..dont beat yourself up no one tells us how to be with our kids it's all instict...but it ALWAYS comes from love so in my book you are NORMAL..and your little girl will grow up normal knowing how to deal with conflict and form her own opinions..it's good life skills..
you dont need to change..x..
Hi Cheryl Ann, I am going to echo Chris and Gypsy here, and say that we ALL fight with our kids - sometimes more than others and with some children it's more than others. The only thing I would add is that after a fight, you don't have to beat yourself up about it, but just give her a cuddle. My daughters and I have had plenty of harsh words since they were little and I don't know who cired most when they were toddlers - them or me. I found it really hard! But the one thing they remember about those fights now is that they always got a cuddle afterwards - I'm so glad they remember that and not so much about the anger that I've realised fighting is normal, but love overcomes everything.
Oh Cheryl Ann, I am crying with you right now.
I have been sick over my own 16 year old daughter lately, too.
Growing up is not easy - and you and I are still growing, too.
Don't blame yourself for what is happening.
It's no one's "fault" - it just happens...
I've heard that being a parent is the most difficult "job" anyone could have.
I think the rewards are far better than any job and, even through the rough times, I wouldn't trade being a mum for all the riches in the world!
It's a labour of love.
Hang in there, Cheryl Ann, and just let her know you'll always be there for her.
We're human and have a right to be annoyed or angry, but not at the expense of our children.
They have an amazing capacity to forgive - and we have it in us, too.
Last week I tore into my daughter and it broke my heart to see her in tears.
She said something to me that ripped me apart and I reacted as any human being would when hurt.
We can't back down on our rules, morals and priciples, but we can still let our children know we love them and we'll be there for them.
I know my daughter, at that point, was feeling very unloved.
She does have responsibilities and cannot ignore them, but I hate it when we fight over it, but I will stick to my guns on that subject.
I later bought her a little card with the words "There are no words to express how much there is in my heart for you."
I set it on her dresser accompanied by a little hyacinthe plant.
That was a simple way of my showing her that I do care - no matter what.
Cheryl Ann - I know you are a good parent...you care.
Love
Dale
Hi Cheryl,
Don't blame yourself, your daughter's at the adolescent age right now. I've been there myself, I used to argue with my parents a lot when I was a teenager. Although I still do at times, but I've outgrown most of it, and your daughter will too!
I just saw The Who last week, and they were fantastic!
I didn't know Roger's allergic to marijuana, no wonder why he never did drugs!
Cher, YOU ARE NOT A BAD PARENT. Amy knows how much you love her. She is testing you and herself, to see where her limits are and how far she can go.
And SHE LOVES YOU as much as you love her. All parents and kids have these issues with each other, but they never stop loving each other.
It sucks, but because we know our mommies and daddies loves us so much, as kids we feel we can say and do just about anything and they will still love us, even though in a way the kids are just trying to push to prove it.
Hang in there babe and it will be ok. I think just tell Amster that you don't like her behavior, but you LOVE her.
Don't keep beating yourself up, you are too hard on yourself. They say that people are usually their own worst critic. You'll be ok (and so will Amy)
Love ya.
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